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Page 1 of 2 I was going through one of my plastic cabinets last night and I saw some old love letters from my er... used-to-be suitors in college. I am glad I've kept them for they come in handy and entertaining in times of boredom (read: I-refuse-to-go-online day). It has brought me back to some good 'ol days, being a teenager once (and still is, er... at heart *wink*).
There was one letter that stood out from the pile tho' (I started singin' I Remember The Boy here...). The one that came from my first (well, technically he was my first) boyfriend. A relationship that only lasted for a month (or less) in 1996.
His name is...
oK, I'm not supposed to mention his name here. We could call him HV but let me rather use a pseudonym that my friends and I used to call him back then: SPIDERMAN (his name had something that would connect to a "Webb" kasi eh *hehe*)
His letters, although there were just two, stood out from the rest of the used-to-be-scented-now-old-and-brown letters and cards that I have received back then because amongst my (few) admirers (wow! feeling pretty ako!), he was the only one who really has caught me by surprise (pasintabi sa mga future manliligaw ko ha?! LOL!).
We were classmates in one subject called DISCRI (I kind-of forgot what that stood for now). I had already noticed him (got an eye on him) since the first day of our class (knowing me, no one from my friends would notice if I have a crush on someone, saka na lang nila malalaman pag naglaho na yung crush ko and they see me sad or making fun out of my secret crush). I just didn't think he's noticed me.
I was wrong.
Some time in the first quarter of 1996, I was surprised to see a piece of paper folded so neatly between the pages of my notebook. I might have left it on my desk during our class and he took his chance sneaking out from my friends when he inserted it (I swear, you can never get through my friends during those times).
"Matagal ko nang gustong makipagkilala sa iyo kaya lang nahihiya ako kaya naisipan ko na lang na sulatan ka..."
"... wala akong ibang alam na tao para ipakilala ka sa akin..."
"... hindi kasi kita makausap kasi lagi mong kasama mga friends mo."
"... tatanungin ko sana kung may BF ka na dahil kung wala pa maga-apply sana ako. Kung okey sa iyo, one of these days ay yayayain kita sa isang dinner date."
And then came another letter:
"... can I ask you out for a date on Wednesday?..."
"... kindly make a diagram to your house..."
The date, I can't remember how it went. I can't even remember how we were able to keep it from my friends. I was kind of shy going out with a guy back then and I wasn't used to being teased about guys.
I don't know where he is now. After we broke up we never had the chance to talk again (if I was not mistaken, it was a few weeks before his graduation-- he was a few years ahead of me). He's probably married and have kids by now. Could be out of the country, too. He could still be alive or he could be... (I have to stop now).
I don't know why I am still interested in knowing his wherabouts. We parted without actually saying goodbye. Without me, really knowing why. All I know is that we broke up because I felt there was something wrong. I remember asking my friend to hand me my break-up letter. I don't even remember what I have written in there. I just hope it wasn't bad nor hurtful. From that day, I don't remember seeing him again nor had I heard anything about him. That was 1996.
It'll probably be nice if like his first letter, he will come by surprise. Whatever is his status now I don't think it would matter. But if we never see each other again I guess I could live by.
Do not ask me to let go for I am not holding back on anything. It's NOT that I haven't gotten over him (that was more than a decade ago! hello!), nor I was really caught on his web. It's just that I simply WANT to know (tsismosa eh! LOL!).
Closure? No need, I guess. Because like the other letters, I have kept his, locked and kept inside a box that I would label: Letters.. to read again when I am old and hopefully, not grumpy (or on my death bed).
Until then, I will keep on wondering how he is doing. And even though things did not end as nice as I wanted it to be, still, I am grateful. After all, he's been a part of my "kilig" moments while I was growing up, which I know I will appreciate more as I grow older.
See also:
The Itsy-bitsy Spider Climbed Up the Spout Again
Readers have left 8 comments. 1. Untitled
Badz, Unregistered uuyyyy, I remember the boy...but I can't remember the feeling....anymore  2. Untitled
mae, Unregistered kinda-sorta... LOL! 3. Untitled
crt, Unregistered uuyyy kilig naman ako sa post mo na 'toh mae 4. Untitled
mae, Unregistered actually ako din.. when i was reading the letter again hahaha! hahaha! wahahaha!!! 5. Untitled
Guest, Unregistered HV is back and i'm alive mae. nakakatuwa na nasave mo ung mga letters ko. that wednesday we went to the seawall remember then i went to ur house and met ur mother or tita yta. nakakatuwa ung mga nangyari nun at i already forgot the guy who help me para makalapit syo dhl lge mong kasama ang mga barkada mo that tym. destiny mae... 6. Untitled
Mae, Unregistered hmmm...  I forgot that part, you, meeting someone from my family... but now I remember, na-meet mo yata yung may-ari ng bahay sa Sampaloc.. I am not sure hehehe.. but thanks for reminding me about that.  i think it was Kiko who helped you.. but I remember asking Jonathan giving you my parting words. those parts are kinda rusty now. di ko na talaga matandaan hehehe. right... you're alive Spidy! shock pa din ako. hehe. at least the question of your whereabouts is settled now. 
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I am Mae German. 32 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by 
The Writer Within