I can't believe I cannot even remember sleeping at night light-hearted. I can't remember how it feels to belong to someone. The security. The comfort of having someone beside you when things get rough or when you fail on something. Or having someone grab your hand when the whole building collapses and you're under it and that simple touch would make you fight for your life.

I don't like to depend on other people. It's not me. But all my life I feel like I am alone. Yes, I have a lot of friends. I had my share of thrills, fun and adventures. But still, I feel like there's something missing. And everytime I get inside my house I feel like the world has turned its back on me. That outside it keeps on moving while I am stuck inside my room alone.

You see, when you are alone, you can really do anything you want with your life. You can choose to stay home or join the fun outside. You can choose to study or work or both (ok, but you cannot be a bum). You can even choose to be wrong. But at the end of the day, you go home and think how your day was and then what? What have you lived for? And you comfort yourself with the thought that maybe you really have a purpose. You made some people happy or you made some people's life miserable, you've taught something to someone, your work has inspired someone to do the same or do better, or the thought that maybe you've touched someone's life will make you feel contented.

But then you ask yourself again, am I happy being alone?

I have my ways. When every Christmas, I can see all my siblings or my friends celebrating with their family, I tell myself, "I'm happy for them and I am grateful that they still find time to celebrate it with me". It's just a matter of seeing things in different angle, you know.

Well, I've decided to be happy. And you know that's the sad part of it. It's like having your picture taken inside the studio and the photographer asked you to smile or say cheese at the count of three.

I've been always praying that someday, I could really be happy and that people will stop asking me, "are you happy?", because they can already sense it or see it in my eyes.

I guess I'll just have to live and enjoy the moment.

One...Two... Say cheese! (Oh! crap! I hope that cheese stays!)