Are those your eyes, is that your smile
I've been lookin' at you forever
But I never saw you before
Are these your hands holdin' mine
Now I wonder how I could of been so blind

Should I be singing Kenny Loggin's For The First time?
Or is it too early?

You see, I met someone. He is not someone new though. I've known him since high school. Brother of my best friend. Their family was like my family those days. I stay over their place, I hang around them a lot. And they have treated me really well. But in 1996, they migrated to US. You can imagine how broken hearted I was losing the family I had with them. But yes, there's a time to grieve and a time to move on. Besides, communication with my best friend is very much open. I guess that helped us both a lot (I mean, me and my best friend). About the brother, well, gone were the days when he'd play tricks on me. From here, I saw him grow up, I heard how he's doing and so the rest of the family. They have settled there.

Then in 2005, they all came back. Their grandma died. Our grandma died. I saw the whole family again. Including him...

I looked at him the same way I looked at him a few years back. Makulit. Palabiro. And everytime he sees me binibiro nya ako. For me, it was nothing but mere fun on his part. And I was okey with it. I never took it more than a joke. Minsan sinasakyan ko, minsan pinagtatawanan ko. And I was never conscious about how I'd react. For me it is but normal for both of us.

Then they left again. I never heard from them since then. My best friend was married and has a kid and she became busy juggling her responsibility as mom, wife, and an employee. I understand why she couldn't really get in touch as much as she wants to. But then the communication between her brother and me, started anew. He was the usual "palabiro". He told me he misses me. At first it was nothing for me. But the emails went from once in a blue moon to once a day. I started getting calls from him. And his tone became different. I finally see him now with sense.

He's now being nice and sweet. And I found myself getting interested in him. I found myself focusing on him. I found myself looking at his direction. And I found myself looking forward to his next email or next call.

I am floating. But I keep reminding myself to keep my feet on the ground. I found myself scared to fall. That's why everytime I feel like I'm floating I do some kind of reality check. I don't want to assume that he's interested in me no matter how he say it. I keep telling myself, he was like this to me before and it was nothing. It's no different now.

Then he told me something that made me cry... He's mentioned about him thinking about me ever since we were kids. And that he has but good intention and that his family will be happy for him just in case. Including his sister, my best friend. And that I should remember that I am not alone.

I was touched. I was happy. I was excited. I cried. I was scared.

Then I asked myself, am I ready to take the risk? Should I let him go on? One thing that frightens me most is the distance between now and the day we'd see each other again (in a few months). Some things could happen. Some things could change. He could change and I could change. Just like the past few attempts I've had in the past.

I know I shouldn't be pessimistic about the whole situation. It could be better this time. I just have to get control of myself and the situation will follow. I have to balance what my heart is saying from what my mind is whispering.

It's overflowing. But I have to stick to some controlled emotions right now...

Is it time that I get out of my comfort zone?
Could be love is in the air now or not.

I don't want to be afraid but I am.
It's not always that we know someone for a long time and see them in a different light now... It's not easy to balance what's normal or what's regular from what's special.

I know I am stronger than I think I am but with him, I am no longer sure...

Mind says: CUT!!!!!

Ok.. next scene...