"My parents left me when I was a baby. Transferred from one home to another amongst my parents' siblings. Learned the meaning of labor as early as six. I was whipped, beaten to death (or I thought I was going to die in pain). Learned how to smoke cigar when I was eight and learned how to drink alcoholic beverages when I finally became a chain-smoker. Then I learned how to use illegal drugs: marijuana, shabu and the likes. I lived in the streets when I was ten and resorted to solvent or rugby just to fort off starvation. I learned to shoplift. Take stuff that doesn't belong to me. Fight against my kind.  Took more drugs. I was sexually abused when I was twelve until an orphanage took me in. When a news came that they have found my parents, I was forgiving. I was excited. Finally, we will be one happy family again.

    And the day has come for us to be reunited... only to find my parents, both of them, inside two separate boxes... A coffin."


That was NOT the kind of life I had as a child. There's no reason to sulk around nor a reason to be bitter on things and on people. My life, as of this moment, is never the life that I expected to be. But there's much more to it than my whines. There's much more to it than my pains. I have no reason to let happy moments just pass me by. I have no reason to keep grudges on people. I have no reason to lock myself inside my room and wallow in self-pity just because I am alone (or that I felt alone) or that I am misunderstood (or that some people refuse to see through me).

I will not contest that my life is more miserable than anybody else's because I am NOT living a miserable life (even if I am, I will refuse to accept it). Sometimes you'll see how low my spirit is but I will allow anything or anyone to lift me up. I will wallow in pain but I will not dwell in it the rest of my life. I cannot change the past but I will not let it ruin my future. I will remain afloat although I am writing right now because I felt like am sinking. I am not sorrow. Sorrow is not me. But sorrow is in front of me, staring. But no, it will not own me.

We are not our feelings. Feelings doesn't own us. But if it's a funny feeling, a ticklish one, or a happy feeling, I will claim it, rub it off my whole being and be it. If there's one thing that I have been doing in purpose is that I always make sure that I am surrounded with happy people and let them inject in me whatever drugs they have that makes them "high". Then I will be high, hoping that I can pay forward by being one happy drug, too.

Some people do it with no effort. Some people, they have to try to be one. But it's better than not trying. And if you haven't, I suggest, you try it.




There could be moments that you cannot help but look down on yourself. But it will not be every single day of your life.

Let the high-times count. Believe me, it's worth the try.