I don't smoke. I am not an alcoholic, not a gambler, and I am not addicted to or dependent on a certain drug. But I have a habit that if not associated with these addictions, is worse and could be cancerous if not given the right attention and medication. Sad to say but it has been with me for almost a decade now and through the years I did nothing but watch myself deteriorate.

 

You see, self-satisfaction is something that you should never take-in in too much dosage especially when you're still young. In fact, it should never be given to a person without prescription or guidance. But for me, it was given free and overflowing, in which, I took high dosage. I became cool (or at least like an addict, I thought I was). I became accepting-- make that too accepting that I'd take anything that is given to me without questions asked, without regrets, and without complaints. I became too contented and I thought I was happy being just like that. Perseverance was out of my system. Instead, complacency was injected to me. And yes, it was addicting.

 

For years, I was living in my comfort zone, cruising and enjoying my simple life. Somehow it felt good to have a life where all I think about is myself and myself alone. I've got a simple plan and that is to live one day at a time. I don't look forward simply because I know there's nothing to look forward to or maybe because I was too scared I'd see emptiness. 

 

So why am I a changed person now? Well, could be my age although I'd tell you, I don't feel like my age. I still have this feeling that I am younger than what my calendar tells me. But here's the truth-- God has sent someone to touch my life, held my hand, and made me take a glimpse of that future. For those people who tried pushing me but failed, it's a miracle that I moved a finger. Some people may have considered that I was in a coma already. Some provided me prayers and some provided me medicine and life support. 

 

God is good. Even if I was sleeping, I never doubted that. I never doubted His power. I never doubted His Love. I knew that He will never abandon me. I knew that He will provide me everything that I need. Sometimes I think that because of that great faith, I took everything easy. Easy that I became so easy-go-lucky. I didn't care much about anything because I know God is there! But then, I guess it was in His plan that I'd be like that for a while. Because all the while, I didn't know, He was cooking something good for me. So good that it would be so tempting for me to let go of what I am holding and it would push me to empty my cup and try filling it in with the new dish.

 

I went through a battle. But as one friend has told me, "no one wins a battle alone". I agree. I was never alone. God has sent me a battalion of angels. I asked God to humble me. I asked people to pray for me. I believed that there is nothing that prayer cannot move nor change. And indeed there's nothing.

 

I've won one battle. The addiction's gone. And I am determined not to take such chemical again. I cannot say that this is a happy ending for I have just started on yet another battle. I could stumble. I could fail. But I see myself standing each time I fall. And now I am looking forward to my future and looking forward to sharing that future with someone other than myself.

 

I know I stayed mum and kept a lot of things from a lot of people. Even to some who are close to my heart. I just didn't find the need to bother other people. Maybe including you. But just the thought of you and the love you have for me, became my constant companion in this battle. I have faith that you have never forgotten about me and that I remain in your prayers no matter what. I've said it once or too-many times, but it will never be enough-- THANK YOU FOR BEING ONE OF MY GOD-SENT ANGELS. 

 

The offer to take veterinary medicine or a career change still stands but I have made a decision. On the 7th of August 2006, I will be starting on a new job. This time as an analyst/programmer for Equitable-PCI Bank in Makati. I am planning to pursue further studies and/or training too to enhance my knowledge and skills. I know some of you may think that I've given up on this a long time ago and now I'm going back. Yes, I am. But this time with much determination and with hope that I will be able to live the future that I had a glimpse before. I am praying that it would make a difference this time.

 

I am still scared of the unknown. I may develop some new habits that would lead to a new addiction. I am weak as every human is. But my God is strong. And He makes sure that there's nothing impossible that cannot be done for His greater glory. Yes, TO GOD BE THE GLORY.