|
Tuesday, 21 September 2010 |
Well, I am talking about the length of my stay here at Uncle Sam's. I left the Philippines and got here on September 21, 2008. I was never the same again since then. I became the Mae that is so distant. Literally and well, a little figuratively, speaking. I dreaded the days when the only money that I am receiving is the $35/month from the little tasks that I am doing (well, at least that was consistent). I dreaded the days when I was afraid to touch somebody else's food. Afraid is THE word. But those were long gone. Two years. Somehow I am free now. But I am still not the same, like, I don't want to meet old friends and hang out. I got this little seed of insecurity from having no job and I am not sure if I could get rid of it. I wasn't used to being tied up. I am not used to having no social life. I am not used to "limitations". I was never used to feeling "little". Not that I see myself little. No. I won't allow that. People who loves me would despise that. If a diamond is a chunk of coal that is made good under pressure, I think of myself as loose diamonds. I still don't feel whole. I know I still have to pick up pieces of me and it's taking me a lot of time to do that. But as one Christian song goes, Little by little, Jesus is changing me. Someday I will be able to do the things that I want to do without feeling short, insufficient, inadequate, or meager. Whatever you may call it.
No one has commented on this article. |
I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by 
Some-Kinda-Blog-Stop