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The Girl Who (Almost) Broke A Doll |
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Friday, 14 August 2009 |
I have here a doll.
Getting hurt. It's the last thing that I wanted to happen to Grandma. Not when she's under my care. I'd feed her more if she needs to gain weight, I'd watch her diet if I should. I'd change her pull-ups regularly and wipe her behind if necessary. I'd even sing with her as she sings the song, Summertime! And I thought it was easy...
Just the other night I was surprised when Miss M called me. She was sitting in the other room.
"I just want you to know how much I admire your patience."
I don't know what I did that day, I am not sure why she said that but all I could say was, "Thank you, it's my pleasure." For it was the truth. Whatever I am doing, the pleasure is mine.
One thing that I have observed is that there's so much gratitude in this home.
"You brought my life back, Mae."
"We are so blessed and got lucky when you came into our lives, Mae."
"That is so nice. You are so sweet."
Overwhelming words that I am not used to hearing. If they only knew how more blessed I am when I got here. I am just being me but they made me feel better.
But what if what I am is not good enough? What if, just like the other girl, Grandma falls down on her knees and hurt herself? God forbids, I don't want to be that girl who'd broken a precious doll. In all my might I'd try to catch her.
But it happened...
Grandma was complaining about her knees, they are shaking sometimes. One of it gave-in yesterday while she was walking to the john, just a few feet away from the sink. She brushed her teeth and decided to sit down on the john. It was not our usual routine. And there, it happened.
One thing that I do not do and would never dare to do is leave her when she's standing. Looking at her standing without anyone on her back freaks me out. So on her way to the john from the sink, I was holding her back as usual, so she'd know I was just right behind her. She left her walker by the sink and I thought it'll be all right. I was with her anyway. Fate played a trick on us because of that one wrong judgment. I will, forever, hate myself for that.
One of her knees gave in and the next thing I knew, I was trying to hold her up hard so she wouldn't hurt her head. Then I checked her knees and her feet. Grandma did not totally fall down. But I know all her weight was on her feet that were not properly positioned. She was already almost kneeling down. I do not know how I have managed to pull her back but I was able to make her sit on the floor to prevent her from hurting her feet or ankle or knees. I wasn't worried about her hip because I got her by the waist. She's taller than I am and heavier, too. I did not know what to do, but I'd say Someone took over (and thank God, I was wearing my back stabilizer).
No one else was home that time except for the dog, Sheba, me, and Grandma. It was a busy Thursday afternoon, I guess. And fate has chosen that day.
Grandma didn't want me to pull her up, maybe because she thinks I am too tiny. So I tried to move her in a more comfortable position, put some pillows on her back and on her butt. She almost took a nap. Indeed, we were inside the "comfort" room.
When I heard the garage door opened I ran to call for help but Grandma didn't want Miss M's help either. She said, she'd wait for Mon.
We waited. Mon came. Grandma was all right. She can walk all right. And she's back to her normal self again.
She may forget what happened. I am praying that her body will be able to forget about that too. I mean, what if her body got shocked or something? What if she got her ankle sprained? What if... what if... *ugh* me and my freakish mind! I don't think I will ever forget anything about that fear that came to me during that moment.
Sitting on the floor with Grandma for over an hour, I was thinking, if only I am good enough to put her back on her feet, then I know I am better.
I'll get over this I know. As soon as I know that Grandma is all right. So far, she said she is well. She was able to walk to her chair and have her breakfast there. And we were able to have lunch in the kitchen. She is well.
[Dear Lord, please make all of us safe.]
Readers have left 2 comments. 1. Untitled
Tin, Unregistered hmmm imagine ko si grandma, so fragile  extra ingat ka na for sure! they're still really lucky you're there  2. Untitled
Mae, Unregistered
yeah.. she actually did it again kanina, I mean bigla nya gusto umupo uli sa toilet after nya mag-toothbrush.. this time, I made sure yung walker nasa harap nya. Di namin iniwan. Sabi ko sa kanya.. "We BOTH need your walker".. hehe. :) I guess I feel better now na alam ko she's okay.
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Some-Kinda-Blog-Stop 
I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by Juan Dela Cruz, and I am currently being trained for more by Uncle Sam. Writing since the age of 12. Blogging since 2001. I keep a notebook and a pen in my bag, on my bedside table, and inside the bathroom. Misses a lot. Sometimes even my own voice. Loves to laugh. Sometimes even at myself. I am a work in progress. My ultimate dream is to be a SAHM. That is, if I am bound to have that chance in this lifetime... and I am.