My Traffic Life

I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by Juan Dela Cruz, and I am currently being trained for more by Uncle Sam. Writing since the age of 12. Blogging since 2001. I keep a notebook and a pen in my bag, on my bedside table, and inside the bathroom. Misses a lot. Sometimes even my own voice. Loves to laugh. Sometimes even at myself. I am a work in progress. My ultimate dream is to be a SAHM. That is, if I am bound to have that chance in this lifetime... and I am.

My Traffic Rules

Don't take my words personally. At times, not even literally. This is my journal. You're my reader. My spectator. Applaud. Yawp. Yawn. Smile. Frown. Rave. Rant. Or not. Neither can I see you from where I am standing nor can I hear you.

This is not my life. Maybe just a part of it. But this is me meandering through life. My emotions fluctuate. My opinion varies. If it's too hot in here and you can't take it, leave. If it's dull and too cold, go somewhere else for warmth. I won't wipe the frown on your brow.

My stories, unless stated otherwise, are mostly fictional. Fiction could be based on reality. Still, they are fiction. Don't own it. Don't live in it. It is what it is. Leave it.

Watch out for the traffic light. Follow the rules. Cruise.

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I have heard stories of a husband hurting his wife physically and leaving emotional scars to the latter. I have heard and witnessed a wife having extramarital affairs or a husband doing the same. I have heard stories of unfaithfulness. I have been a victim not just once and I have been (or still is) an accessory to such crime: infidelity. Let's not mention moral obligations here. It's a complicated term.

I am not jaded when it comes to relationships, to marriage, and to life. Nothing is perfect. A couple may break-up tonight then kiss and make-up the next day. Or never. A person may hit his partner tonight, send flowers the next day and be forgiven. Some couple live happily ever after and some even without the "happily" part. Some people marry for convenience, some marry for love.

I have a friend who had her marriage annulled at the early age of 25 (after being married for over a year). I have a friend who had her marriage declared as void at her young age of 23. I know some people from my circle who have had extramarital affairs. I have a friend who married a guy who doesn't have a decent job to feed their two kids. I have a friend who's living-in with some girl even if she surprised him with two kids and a marriage certificate (married but separated). These and more.

Bring me inside a circle and show me relationship's rough blows and sharp turns. Surround me with crying ladies who have had a dead-end marriage or a "toxic" husband maybe. Bring every couple who doesn't get along with each other and let me listen to their whines and stories of cruelty to one another. Share some testimonials of failed relationships or even a maladaptive one. I won't change my mind nor I will have a change of heart: I will still go on waiting for my man and I will get married.

I am not afraid because no matter how unpredictable each turn in the road is, no matter how bumpy the thoroughfare is, my life is guided by some lights: Nanay and Tatay (RSB's parents) just celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary with a renewal of vows and I can still feel the love for each other every time I see both of them. JS and BS have been married for 15 years and they still go out on dates every Friday (yup! Just the two of them). Some were married for over 20 years now. Two of my friends have saved their marriages from a storm and have a happier and healthier relationships with their partners now. Both of my brothers have a happy married life. A lot of my friends are still at the early age of their marriage, most of them I love seeing, being together.

You see, who wouldn't see the highway when it is all lit-up? Who wouldn't wish to have someone holding her hands while walking through a road with lights of different shapes and colors (and fireworks, too!)? Who wouldn't wish to have someone to fight with when you know you'll kiss and make-up before the day ends? Who wouldn't wish to have someone beside you when you reach the sharp turns? Who wouldn't want to feel some "kilig" moments? Who wouldn't want to have someone to miss when you leave for your work or the country for a short time? Who wouldn't want to have someone to miss you? Who wouldn't want someone to hug in addition to your five pillows in bed? Who wouldn't want to have someone to cook for you even the simplest fried Spam?

Marriage. No matter how scary it is as some people say, I am not afraid to face it and be in one.
It is one adventure that I wouldn't (shouldn't) miss.

Soon if not someday.

To all my married friends, THANK YOU. It is because of you that I keep the faith.