My Traffic Life

I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by Juan Dela Cruz, and I am currently being trained for more by Uncle Sam. Writing since the age of 12. Blogging since 2001. I keep a notebook and a pen in my bag, on my bedside table, and inside the bathroom. Misses a lot. Sometimes even my own voice. Loves to laugh. Sometimes even at myself. I am a work in progress. My ultimate dream is to be a SAHM. That is, if I am bound to have that chance in this lifetime... and I am.

My Traffic Rules

Don't take my words personally. At times, not even literally. This is my journal. You're my reader. My spectator. Applaud. Yawp. Yawn. Smile. Frown. Rave. Rant. Or not. Neither can I see you from where I am standing nor can I hear you.

This is not my life. Maybe just a part of it. But this is me meandering through life. My emotions fluctuate. My opinion varies. If it's too hot in here and you can't take it, leave. If it's dull and too cold, go somewhere else for warmth. I won't wipe the frown on your brow.

My stories, unless stated otherwise, are mostly fictional. Fiction could be based on reality. Still, they are fiction. Don't own it. Don't live in it. It is what it is. Leave it.

Watch out for the traffic light. Follow the rules. Cruise.

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I will never forget Grandma's conversation with the doctor (who doesn't look like he needed a student loan when he was in school) that I overheard in October-- the last time that we were in the hospital.

Doctor: Chronic Heart Congestion... blah blah blah... Valves not functioning well... blah blah.
Grandma: How do you stop that?
Doctor: We can't.
Grandma: You die.
Doctor: That is our problem.
Grandma: The problem is, I am 94.

On December 17, 2009, Grandma joined her Creator.

I was with her for the last five months of her life and I have seen her breathe her last that Thursday afternoon. And although we'd both stopped creating memories together, I know, deep in my heart, that I will never stop talking about her. I will never stop thinking about her. She's a brave, sweet, smart, and witty lady. And that is, so far, the best five months of my life here at Uncle Sam's.

My heart, still, is bleeding, whenever I remember her sweet smile and her funny grin whenever she looks at me. I miss her. My fight is not yet over.

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