My Traffic Life

I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by Juan Dela Cruz, and I am currently being trained for more by Uncle Sam. Writing since the age of 12. Blogging since 2001. I keep a notebook and a pen in my bag, on my bedside table, and inside the bathroom. Misses a lot. Sometimes even my own voice. Loves to laugh. Sometimes even at myself. I am a work in progress. My ultimate dream is to be a SAHM. That is, if I am bound to have that chance in this lifetime... and I am.

My Traffic Rules

Don't take my words personally. At times, not even literally. This is my journal. You're my reader. My spectator. Applaud. Yawp. Yawn. Smile. Frown. Rave. Rant. Or not. Neither can I see you from where I am standing nor can I hear you.

This is not my life. Maybe just a part of it. But this is me meandering through life. My emotions fluctuate. My opinion varies. If it's too hot in here and you can't take it, leave. If it's dull and too cold, go somewhere else for warmth. I won't wipe the frown on your brow.

My stories, unless stated otherwise, are mostly fictional. Fiction could be based on reality. Still, they are fiction. Don't own it. Don't live in it. It is what it is. Leave it.

Watch out for the traffic light. Follow the rules. Cruise.

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There was a team and I was a part of it. There was a battle and I was one of those who fought for what we knew and what we felt was right. And I thought it was over...

I can take it if it's just my relationship with a guy. I know my capability to heal. Fast. But when I see it happening to people that I care about, that's what hurts me most. And I am not even talking about romance here. Passion for the sport. Friendship. Commitment. These are a few things that I could think of right now.

Scared. That's how I feel. Change is taking place again. The sad part is, I know there will be meetings, I know there will be chicka-han over dinner and some cups of coffee... and I am not there. Sadly, I am not there. To laugh, to goof around, to speak up... to do something to save whatever it is to be saved.

I've lost my voice the day I stopped playing. I know. I am no longer a part of the team. I am not a part of any team now. I have no idea when I'm going to be involve in any sports and my only joy is to see that the routine is still there. And now the routine is fading...

Why do I have this feeling that Saturday nights will be different for them now? That scares me. I can imagine their Saturday nights without me but I can never imagine their Saturday nights without the regular routine of spending time together after the games.

I am sad and I can't do something but to watch how things will go... for them. A fact that I have to deal with on my own... because I am on my own now.

*God, I miss the E!s...*

Readers have left 2 comments.

1. Untitled
Tin, Unregistered

you know, I feel the same way. When I heard the news, I felt something in me is going to slip away. I was excited to return, sadly mukhang wala na akong babalikan. paano na lang ang sabardeys?!?!?

Posted 2009-07-07 01:58:20

2. Untitled
Mae, Unregistered

senti ako dito, Mare.

Posted 2009-07-07 02:04:34