I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by 
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Some-Kinda-Blog-Stop Blame it on the hormones!
Some-Kinda-Blog-Stop Blame it on the hormones! | Blame it on the hormones! |
| Friday, 30 January 2009 | |
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Last week, when my pregnant friend felt guilty for feeling frustrated in waiting for her delivery (of their first-child), I said it's okay to vent, never blame yourself, "Blame it on the hormones!" When I see my girl friends having mood swings, I would say it's all right, "Blame it on the hormones!" Although I know that they keep our bodies working normally, I say, darn this powerful chemicals for torturing me by playing with my emotion. I had the worst encounter of its effect yesterday. Emotional outburst to the power of ten! Let's not talk about me getting tired of submitting my online applications to every company there is. Patience. I have lots of it. Let's not talk about me being idle and feeling unproductive at home. Let's not talk about me feeling overly sensitive. Let's not talk about me eating too much M&Ms because of these. But let's talk about me giving-in to the agony of trying to be calm and in control within. I prayed and then I cried. For more than two hours, I cried. The wonderful thing was, God wasn't just watching me last night. He was working on a surprise. Make that surprises. I was never a chatter. I don't chat on YMs often since I got here. I talk to my friends via a forum or via emails. Something that I can delay on responding. I do not sit the whole day in front of GreenApple socializing. But I do update my blog so some people would know, I am still alive and kickin'. Last night, I logged on to YM and got a message from Ate Shirley. They're picking me up today, probably for a getaway. It's been months since I've been to the Regozo's camp. My cousin in west coast was online, too. I said hi and asked her to ask her dad or anyone to call me. I have (had) a plan. Something that was on my mind for a few days now but has never told to anyone. My mind wasn't made up until last night. Given my still-jobless situation, I have thought of trying my luck on the other side. I have heard that there are better opportunities there for me to get an under-the-table job. I know that I should not get a job other than what is stated in my visa but that does not mean I cannot. FYI. I am a legal alien here at Uncle Sam's. Without telling them anything (yet) about what was on my mind, my aunt gave me a ring last night. They were all together. My father's siblings from Utah and CA with Inang, my father's mom. My uncle wanted to send me a ticket so I could visit them in December last year but I was waiting for some good news from my employer then. One by one they passed the phone around and one by one they started asking me one question that triggered my tear ducts to pour some more of that salty liquid. "How are you?" In between sobs I told them that I am all right but I don't feel good lately for being jobless and (feeling) useless for a long time since I got here. I found myself crying vehemently (Darn you, hormones! Darn you!). Bravely, I told my aunt what was on my mind. It will just be for a few months, I said. I was thinking of my SIL's pregnancy and her parents' petition. I want to be here when I would be needed and I so much want to be a witness in her giving birth. I do not want to miss that. So that was settled. They think it's a good plan. I can go back and forth any time I want. "We'll help each other out until the end...", my Aunt Mercy said. Inang was happy with the idea of my visit. They almost bought me a ticket last night. I said I'll tell my brother and SIL about it and I still have to talk to my employer if they would allow me to leave the state. My employer said it's okay until he realized my words, "...will be gone for a few months." He have plans for me soon. I learned about that right after Inang and I hung up on the phone. My employer was next in line. When I told him a few weeks ago that I am looking forward to getting a job that is not related to programming, he said he'd call me to talk about some alternatives. It took him a while to call but he did last night. Just when I was about to give up on his words, and just when I was about to ride on a plane to the other side of the country, he has presented something that would give another twist on my plans. Going to west coast and staying here are both opportunities for me. One is an opportunity to bond with my relatives (especially with Inang), the other one is an opportunity that I have been waiting for since I got here-- a job. No matter how little it is, it is still income-generating. Something to keep me going. It could be the answer to one of my prayers. I still have to wait for an update next week. Only then that I could decide on my plans. Come to think of it, hormones have played a good role on me last night putting me on a roller-coaster ride, which was all right. I had a good cry and it seemed that all the stars in heaven were aligned to give me comfort just when I needed it most. Amidst the sobs and the tears, I saw a clear sky. I am okay and I will be fine. Finally, last but not the least of the good news, Klaire is out today via caesarian section. It's sad that I am not there to celebrate with the Elites but I am overjoyed just by imagining the happiness and excitement of the new parents-- Badz and Tin. Congratulations! And to Baby Klaire, I say, Welcome! Kick all you want now without hurting your mommy's tummy, eh?! LOL! With a lot of spice, indeed, God is cookin' something for all of us. |
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