LA and Maria. They met in Quezon City in 1998. He being 3 years older, became her trainer at her new job.
LA was cute (allow me to use that word) and people would always tease him to show his deep dimples.
Maria. She was pretty and people love her being jolly. Her laughter is unstoppable. Even contagious at times.
They were both in a relationship that time. LA to Angel. Maria to Jun.
There were guys who tried to win Maria's heart. There were gals who tried to grab LA's attention. Everyone has failed.
LA and Maria have worked on a project together. They have become good friends. They would even share the ups and downs of their relationships. I know they only kept mum about it, even denied it to themselves, that a certain feeling was already brewing-- a deeper affection.
Middle of 1999, Maria tendered her resignation in search for what she really wanted to be in life. LA stayed for a while but left for another company at the same year.
They busied themselves with work and they have kept their relationships with Angel and Jun intact. They worked hard for both relationships to really go well thinking that their partners are really THE ONES for them.
Through the years, through their common friends, LA and Maria have kept each other updated on each other's lives. They would see each other on some occasions like weddings, christenings, or some little get-together. People will never see that hint of a "deeper affection" between them. And they would deny it even to their own selves. But I knew and I could only be the very single soul who knew it. You see, although I have kept my distance, I have been their silent witness since day one. I had the hunger for more of what they have been feeding me but I didn't dare push them or press them to give more.
In 2004, Maria and Jun broke up. LA has learned about it when they met each other for a Christmas get-together with their friends.
LA and Angel broke up the following year.
Ironically, after that year, LA and Maria had stopped seeing each other. Single and unattached, it could be the best time for them to keep in touch and catch up on each other. At least that was what I hoped for. Instead, they chose to busy themselves with work and some activities that enabled them to build new connections. New circle of friends. Apart from each other.
I should have pushed them together. I should have told them what I knew. But I knew too then that I should stay clear.
Two years after, they both got into another relationship. All I could do was let out a heavy sigh upon knowing that they missed on each other again. During that time, I could honestly say, they were frustrating me but I never lose hope in them.
They got back together as good friends, the old connection was revived. LA was there ready to give Maria some sound advice and kind words when her relationship went from smooth to rough again. Maria, on the other hand would just tease LA when he's having a hard time with his new girl. I can see that she never wanted to get involved. It was then that I knew she has acknowledged her feelings for him. And I know LA knew about it.
It was then that I decided to give them a (more) closer look. And I was right to do so.
LA would just bow his head or look away when Maria would catch him staring at her. Maria would just let out a sigh when he's caught her looking at him. That went on for a while. That went on for a year.
Until LA called Maria. I had a good feeling then about these two but have learned later that Maria was crying when he called. Apparently she's just broken up with her boyfriend. Worst, she asked LA to let her be alone for some time. LA agreed. He knew she needed some quiet time and he needed to figure things out.
Again, for many months, there was a huge gap, yet another space between them. Until another event was set. A wedding in September. I actually looked forward to seeing both of them again. I was ready to talk to both of them, let them know how frustrated they make me feel every time they part their ways. But that I did not have the chance. We were all seated apart. LA have felt the uncomfortable silence of Maria, I know. Maria felt the same.
Did something happen that I did not know about? Have they become an item while I was away? Have they just broken-up? But then I held on to my wondering mind.
... until it was time for their goodbyes. The exchange of glances were obvious. There was something going on.
... until I have deciphered what they meant:
"I have loved you."
"I love you still."
I wanted to shout. I knew it! But I kept still.
Maria left crying, her heart bleeding. LA just watched her walk away. Clasping his own heart.
There was no action after that part. Idle. Still. Calm if I may say so on both sides. I was left hoping that it would be the last time that I'd see them both. I began hating them both.
But it happened again. Almost a year when it happened last. Only, they were seated together. This time, exchanging jokes, laughing, and teasing each other. Just like the old times.
She was sick the day before that event but she's managed to come. Lately, she wanted to be at every get-together. Lately, she would never absent herself from any gatherings.
"You know what? They're going to ask you to give a speech," jokingly, Maria warned LA. And she was right.
LA got the microphone laughing. He was shocked but he gave a speech well. Then back to where Maria was seated. It was a fun time for all of us and I thought it would carry on for the rest of the night.
... until I heard Maria said, she had to leave.
I was there waiting for some explanation from her. I wanted to stop her. That night could be the night that I was waiting for since day one. I was about to grab her hand but then I saw their eyes. There were no uttered words but they were talking.
Maria looked tired. LA was hoping she'd stay a little while but never tried to stop her. All his life, he never dared to stop her.
LA knew nothing about what's going on in Maria's life. I know he wanted to ask but he knew the consequences if he does. Old connection will be revived and then he won't be able to keep it again.
Maria knew he won't stop her.
"I am glad I came. It was good to see you again. It could be the last or not for a long time..."
"Yes. It was great seeing you again. We're happy when we're together. As always."
"Fun. It was. Until we'd say our goodbyes..."
LA stood up and held Maria's hand. He wanted to hug her but Maria just held her hand.
"Goodbye," was her last word. And his.
He tried to hold her hand longer but Maria took it away.
Hurriedly, she left without looking back. Her heart, aching. She was in pain.
He just stood there just like the old days. He was clutching his own heart.
He is getting married next year, by the way.
And as always. All I did was let out a heavy sigh.
Whatever his story, whatever her story, I no longer care to know now. For ten years, I have watched them grow hoping I'd come up with one of the greatest love story I could ever tell in my time. But they have both failed me.
The truth is, I didn't care about him. Neither care about her. I am just a writer hungry for a story.
In the end, I have no story to tell.
I know. Sometimes in life, we choose some characters to portray some roles. We groom them to be good actors only to realize we have no use for them in the end. Then it's either they leave us or we leave them behind.
In my case, I am flashing the card that says: THE END.
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Mahalia, Unregistered WOW! This is a nice blog. I love the colors and the layout and the slideshow header. Good work! |
I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by 
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