Like the birds, let us leave behind what we don't need to carry: grudges, intrigues, pain, fears, regrets, and heartaches. Fly light. Life is beautiful.
 
hELLO,
 
Affected ako when I heard na our friend celebrated his birthday na may sama pa rin ng loob. That was not what I wished for on his birthday. I wished na he could have peace of mind and that he could finally find forgiveness in his heart. But when I heard na he's living his life full of grudges (at nadadagdagan pa), I felt sad. So I have to say this...
 
It's not that binitawan ko na yung kaibigan ko. It's just that I have learned to accept things the way it turned out to be.
 
There are only two ways to solve the gap. Two extreme ways: [1] Gawin natin yung gusto nilang mangyari, which is magharap-harap at maglabasan ng sama ng loob; [2] Tumahimik na lang tayo at hayaang kumalma sila.
 
Ako? Okey na ako sa 2nd option. I am not like them who could talk and talk and talk and curse [?!]. I am not the talking-type of person pag dating sa emotions. sabi mo nga forgive & forget lang din ang kaya ko. I believe in time and the things it could change. Right now, I will be civil (polite) in case na makasalubong or makita or makasama ko sila. Mapalayo man sila nang tuluyan, at least I could tell myself na kilala ko sila and never ko silang tinakwil. They may not need me pero dadamay ako in my own silent way.
 
Prayers. I will always pray for them and for their wishes and dreams to come true. I will always ask God to bless them on their special days [birthdays, anniversaries]. I will always remember them and the fun memories I had with them.
 
Don't let go too soon, but don't hang on too long (Tuesdays with Morrie). I asked for forgiveness from them, once, twice, thrice, nth times.... but it's so hard for them to give it. Siguro prize possession nila yun. I have learned to accept the stones they threw on me and I respect their point of view. I respect them as a person. If they choose to hate me for the rest of their life. So be it. I will still love them in my own way. I will ask no more. =)
 
Maybe I am being selfish sa mga taong naiipit, sa iyo and sa iba pa. But I don't want to put myself in an awkward situation. Not with the same people na alam ko na ang tendencies nila. Not again.
 
Remember the line above? sana makarating din yun sa kanila =) you sent that to me through text noong I felt so guilty and depressed sa nagawa ko. It was my saddest Christmas [and the months it followed] so far. Sabi mo pa, I've done my part and it's enough kasi di na natin hawak ang decision ng ibang tao if tatanggapin ba nila tayo or hindi. At least we tried, daba? Binigay na natin yung right hand natin, and they want our left hand?
 
From then on, I made a decision that I'm going to close that chapter of my life and be free as a bird. I have learned so much things with what happened. If they think balewala sa akin yun, that's where they were wrong. Hindi ko minaliit yung nagawa ko and its effect, you know that. Hindi ko sinara yung issue doing nothing. Maybe kulang yung action ko or maybe mali but I never regret doing it because then I know it's the good thing to do. I did not expect na other people will not accept it. But it's what happened. It made my life miserable for some time but I will never allow myself to live that way the rest of my life. I will allow myself to cry some time but I will never cry all through out my journey.
 
There are more things in life that I should be attending to, dark tunnels that I should be passing through, bridges that I should be crossing, books that I should be reading, works that I should be facing. I will not allow myself to stay in one corner and mourn and think about that one mistake or stupidity I ever did in my life. I still have the rest of my life to live, to love, struggle and enjoy.
 
It's not that I have given up on them but it's just a matter of time. Maghihintay ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong hinihintay ko but I know God will show me something. Di naman ako ganung kasamang tao eh. =)
 
I have moved on and I will move on. Go forward and not backward diba nga?
 
I don't want to celebrate Christmas crying with the same reason. I don't want to celebrate my birthday gathering people and letting them know my grudges and regrets. It's pathetic. I have been there but I won't reside in there.
 
So sad to hear na they have not forgiven the past yet. It's a decision they could freely make. It's not healthy. I wish somebody among their so-called-friends would tell them and help them to move on. Just the way YOU, my real friends, has done to me. I wish I could be that kind of friend to them but I know it was me who pushed them there, and it was too late to grab them. I am ashamed of what I did but I will never be ashamed my whole life.
 
I know I disappoint most of you with the decisions I made. I am sorry. I am still sorry for what I did before but I should move on... and I have moved on and forgiven myself. Do you want me to go back? Maybe I will, but not now. Now that I can finally say I'm happy despite of all the ups and downs of my-so-called simple & imperfect life.
 
I am not happy to hear na they are still living with grudges from the past. I pray that they could move on and learn to accept things na rin. It's not easy. It was not easy for me. But it is my decision for now.

If they think I'm protecting an image. Yes I am and I should. Not for my friends, not for my family. But for our Father.
 
Para sa mga taong naiipit [di ko alam pano makakarating ito]. Sana okey lang sa inyo... I am very much willing to give way sa mga plans na gimicks na kasama ang buong now-2-group amacatwalk. Oks lang sa akin na maiwan ako [as I have said, I won't put myself in an awkward situation like that, baka pati kayo hindi mag-enjoy]. Kahit ako pa ang mag-set ng lakad [basta wag lang ipaalam na ako nag-set ng lakad syempre kasi baka sila naman ang di sumama hehehe]. Don't mind me. Masaya ako pag nakikita ko sa pictures na masaya kayo. Maiinggit ako pero masaya ako. hehehe magdrama daw ba! ehehe. Pero totoo yun. I am very much willing to do that. Sana possible yun. =)
 
For all the wrong things I did and the things I was not able to do sa grupo... I'm sorry. And Thank you sa lahat lahat. wala ako kwenta sa ibang bagay pero andito lang ako.... pang-gulo! hehehe ako pa! =)
 
 
cheers!


"Ganun talaga we make decisions everyday. The decisions we make whether right or wrong will always make a large impact in our life and sometimes to the lives of people close to us. you win some you lose some. that's okay... we may have to live with it through the rest of our lives but I think we'll manage."

Life is a decision we make. =)