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Sunday, 13 October 2002 |
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I feel gloomy just thinking about a friend and the family his dad left behind. I refuse to
call him and hear his voice on the other line that's why I only texted him and extended my sympathy through my simple words... "Condolence to you and your family. Please let us know if we could extend any help other than our prayers." Yes, his dad died last Friday, a friend told me. And the sad thing was, he died not in a natural death but in an accident. Vehicular accident. Just the way my father died when I was four. I know how it feels to have no father. I know. Yet I know no soothing words. I am afraid to talk to him. I am scared to know how he really feels and I am afraid to hear a guy cry (if he would). I am, indeed, afraid of a lot of things. Maybe things I never really felt when my own father died. Things I never knew. I was four, remember? Maybe I really never knew my father was leaving us for good then... and I am glad it was that way. Whatever was God's purpose then, I am glad He made it that way.
But with my friend? He's in his mid-twenty's already. He knows a lot of things now. He's got a family of his own. He's gone through life's tunnels. He's learned a lot of things. He knows. God! I do not know how to console a dear friend who (I know) knows much more than what I know and who is far much stronger than me. I can only console them through my prayers for him and the rest of his family. (God please make my prayer enough for them even for a little while).
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DEATH! I do not curse you nor can anybody escape from you. Breathing or non-breathing, dead or still alive... both have to face you the same time as our love one's heart stops beating. You take one, you take many. Are you aware of that? You are the black gate one has to enter and the others has to face almost wanting to get in, too. You come wearing different masks. On different time. No one can ever tell. You are not the end but for us who will be left behind, you end something everytime you close. But I know, we all have our own black gate at the end of everything. I know sooner or later one of us will enter your wide opening and one of us will be left out.
But this I pray to God. For my love ones, for my friends...
That HE bring us to that black gate in peace and not with a slam.
I pray for a natural death for us all.
But for those of us who has been slammed by that black gate...
I pray for strength. I pray for peace and for comfort. I pray for faith.
I pray that we could understand and learn to accept it and let go... let God.
Behind the black gate is a beam of light.
And forever it will endure.
In Black 'n White - 10.14.2002
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I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by Juan Dela Cruz, and I am currently being trained for more by Uncle Sam. Writing since the age of 12. Blogging since 2001. I keep a notebook and a pen in my bag, on my bedside table, and inside the bathroom. Misses a lot. Sometimes even my own voice. Loves to laugh. Sometimes even at myself. I am a work in progress. My ultimate dream is to be a SAHM. That is, if I am bound to have that chance in this lifetime... and I am.
In Black 'n White (2001-2003) 
