I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by Juan Dela Cruz, and I am currently being trained for more by Uncle Sam. Writing since the age of 12. Blogging since 2001. I keep a notebook and a pen in my bag, on my bedside table, and inside the bathroom. Misses a lot. Sometimes even my own voice. Loves to laugh. Sometimes even at myself. I am a work in progress. My ultimate dream is to be a SAHM. That is, if I am bound to have that chance in this lifetime... and I am.
My Traffic Rules
Don't take my words personally. At times, not even literally. This is my journal. You're my reader. My spectator. Applaud. Yawp. Yawn. Smile. Frown. Rave. Rant. Or not. Neither can I see you from where I am standing nor can I hear you.
This is not my life. Maybe just a part of it. But this is me meandering through life. My emotions fluctuate. My opinion varies. If it's too hot in here and you can't take it, leave. If it's dull and too cold, go somewhere else for warmth. I won't wipe the frown on your brow.
My stories, unless stated otherwise, are mostly fictional. Fiction could be based on reality. Still, they are fiction. Don't own it. Don't live in it. It is what it is. Leave it.
Watch out for the traffic light. Follow the rules. Cruise.
We need balance in life. Some people work out, some people sing, some people try to learn something new (like fixing or installing those pool heat pumps), some people take a sport or two, some people pick a hobby. I used to do it all. I work and I have fun. Then suddenly everything stopped. It was all about work. I get up at 5 in the morning and (should be) sleep at 10. I work from Sunday to Friday. 3-4 hours of my day are spent traveling through buses and subway trains (except for Sunday of course when I work at the animal hospital). I went back to playing badminton during summer then I stopped. Warm weather here is just so short for a commuter like me. I started making some cards but then I don't find my workplace inviting now. Wait. I do not have a workplace. Oh well. My stuff are everywhere. Under the couch. Under the bed. Under under.
It is 2012. I need to be in control if I want my life to be balanced. If I can no longer play badminton or work out, I have to do something that is fun and (maybe) fulfilling in the end. So I thought of music. I am done with guitars (for now). I studied a little when I was in high school (heck! I studied a little piano, too!). And I never finished anything. So I thought why not try something new and commit myself to it.
A ukulele. Carlos has a soprano one and he said I should get the concert ukulele, which I did. Now I am into it. Praying that I will stick to it. I don't want to be dull.
Have you ever experienced getting each of your toenails nailed? I haven't. But I think I know how it feels.
I scorned the day when it was windy, snowing, and drizzling. It was Saturday and I was asked to go to work. The buses did not arrive on time and I had been waiting for about 15 minutes when I felt that my toenails are getting cold, then numb, then it started hurting like someone had put some nails on each toes. And that was just upon going to work. Going home was another story.
In the afternoon, the snowing had stopped but the wind was still nasty. The snow from that morning was already melting. No more clean, white snow on the pavement. They all looked muddy and since they are melting, puddles of water are everywhere. My feet haven't recovered from the morning pain. I decided to take the bus. I cannot walk another mile with aching toes. Fifteen or twenty minutes into waiting, I decided to walk because when I thought of how I'd get on the bus (with the puddle of water on the side of the street), I might have to soak my feet on that icy-cold water just to get on the bus. I cannot travel more than an hour with frostbitten feet. I thought, maybe if I walk to the next bus stop, I can take the bus. So, I walked. Imagining myself getting the warmth that I needed (maybe those bunn coffee makers could help).
Next bus stop. A bus came. The driver did not stop near the gutter where we can just hop in the bus without soaking our feet in the water (and the melting snow). Everyone in line was wearing their snow boots or rain boots at that. I was wearing my winter-shoes (a pair of sneakers with insulation inside-- they're good for winter but not on days like that). When it was my turn to hop on the bus (I was the last one) I stopped and turned my back. I cannot take the risk of getting my feet soaked. They are hurting already. So I turned my back. I cried. I did not show anyone that I did. But I cried. I have had too much during the day both at work and my journey that day. I even asked God, WHY? And I prayed. I wish the people closed to me will never have to feel the pain that I was going through that day. Nails or thumbtacks on your toenails. You can never ignore the pain.
That night, I started looking for some pairs of leg warmers and boot liners for my rainboots. Just in case snow and rain decided to come at the same time again.
Everytime I hear the word "basement flooring" I think hard about basement flooring options (and some of you may know why). That wasn't a fun memory at all. Something that I could never forget but I will never dwell too hard on either. Switch turning off. Let me think of the good stuffs-- rings! Oh! Yeah! The ones you wear on your fingers.
We'd love to settle on platinum. But for those who needs to know why, here is what I found fromdifferencebetween.net:
Platinum vs White Gold
Platinum and white gold are two popular metals used in the creation of jewelry. At first glance, these two metals may look similar. In order to identify which is which, here are their major differences.
First of all, you have to look at the cost of the jewelry. Platinum is more valuable than white gold so you should expect that pieces of jewelry made from platinum are more expensive than those made from white gold.
Platinum is friendlier to the skin than white gold. You have to take note that white gold is composed of nickel and other metals that normally react to the human skin. On the other hand, platinum jewelry is almost always made from 95 percent platinum making it less chemically reactive.
Platinum is also a very dense metal compared to white gold. This means that platinum is heavier while white gold is lightweight. You can easily identify platinum and white gold based on their weight difference.
Platinum has a natural white color with a tinge of bluish hue. White gold is also white because of the rhodium plating. When this plating wears off, white gold’s color will turn to yellow.
In terms of durability, platinum is more durable than white gold. Platinum does not wear or tarnish and is not susceptible to corrosion or breakage. On the other hand, white gold is susceptible to wear. The plating will wear off over time. When you scratch white gold, part of the metal is scratched-off also. With platinum, scratches can be removed through buffing without degrading the integrity of the metal.
Because of these characteristics, platinum is a low maintenance metal while white gold requires meticulous cleaning and re-plating.
So if you are on the market looking for jewelry, always remember that platinum is heavier and more durable but more expensive. White gold on the other hand is lighter and cheaper but is less durable.
I met with a friend the other day while she was looking for some plus size maternity clothes. Teas, as we were both into these, were one of the topics that we talked about. I told her that aside from making my own iced (black or green) tea lemonade with mint and honey. I started making my own parsley tea and ginger tea with honey. We're drinking a glass each every night and we alternate it weekly or until the last drop of tea is finished.
Here are some benefits we could get from parsley and ginger:
Parsley is one of the most important herbs for providing vitamins and minerals to the body. It is truly nature’s immune-enhancing vitamin and mineral complex in plant form.
Parsley has been found to contain two types of unusual compounds that provide some very unique health benefits. The first component found is a volatile oil that includes myristicin, limonene, eugenol, and alpha-thujene. The second components found are flavonoids-including apiin, apigenin, crisoeriol, and luteolin.
The oil in parsley-particularly myristicin-has been shown in animal studies to inhibit tumor formation. It particularly has been shown to inhibit tumor formation in the lungs.
The oils in parsley qualify it as a "chemo protective" food. This means that it can help neutralize particular types of carcinogens, such as cigarette smoke.
Luteolin, one of the flavanoids found in parsley has been shown to function as powerful antioxidants that help prevent oxygen-based damage to cells. In addition, the components in parsley have been shown in animal studies to help increase the antioxidant capacity of the blood.
Parsley is also rich in the source of two vital nutrients that are also important for the prevention of many diseases: vitamin C and vitamin A. These are both powerful antioxidants that destroy free radicals. Free radicals are responsible for the development of many medical conditions, including atherosclerosis, diabetes and colon and cervical cancer and asthma.
Eating a diet rich on Vitamin C acts as an anti inflammatory and provides individuals with protection against a form rheumatoid arthritis and osteoarthritis.
Like vitamin C, beta-carotene may also be helpful in decreasing the severity of medical conditions such asthma and rheumatoid arthritis. Beta-carotene is converted by the body to vitamin A. This vitamin is so important to a strong immune system that its nickname is the "anti-infection vitamin." Make parsley tea to soothe a cough.
Parsley is also rich in folic acid, one of the most important of the B vitamins. Folic acid‘s most critical role in the body relates to the benefits it bring to cardiovascular health. It is necessary nutrient the body utilizes to convert homocysteine into benign molecules. Homocysteine, a potentially dangerous molecule, at high levels, can directly damage blood vessels. High levels of homocysteine are associated with a significantly increased risk of heart attack and stroke in individuals diagnosed with atherosclerosis or diabetic heart disease.
It is also rich in potassium and has a diuretic effect on the body. It was successfully used in World War II to treat soldiers with kidney conditions and dysentery.
Drinking parsley tea is an especially good habit for those individuals who either have been diagnosed or wish to be proactive and prevent these diseases. Folic acid is also an important nutrient that assures proper cell division. It is important for cancer-prevention in two areas of the body that contain rapidly dividing cells. These areas are the colon for both sexes, and the cervical area in women.
Drinking parsley tea has been used for centuries to regulate helping in regular process of monthly periods and used for women after delivery to promote uterine contractions after delivery. This has been found to be due to the presence of apiol in parsley. Apiol is a component of the female sex hormone estrogen. Ingestion of parsley should be avoided by pregnant women.
Parsley has been found to be effective for all kidney and urinary conditions except severe kidney inflammation. Drinking parsley tea helps to prevent salt from being reabsorbed into the body tissues. In other words, parsley literally forces debris out of the kidneys, liver and bladder. It helps improve edema and general water retention, fatigue and scanty or painful urination. Germany’s version of the FDA has recently been approved parsley as a treatment of kidney stones and bladder infections.
So, next time parsley you are in your garden, take time to remember to partake of its abilities to improve your health by making a pot of tea. As an extra added bonus, you'll also enjoy parsley's legendary ability to freshen your breath as well.
One of the main benefits of ginger tea is it helps in the digestion process. Daily intake of ginger tea can give relief from the stomach problems such as flatulence, diarrhea, stomach gas and indigestion. Shogoals and gingerols present in the ginger neutralize the stomach acids, tones the digestive tracts muscle and evoke the secretion of digestive juices. This herbal tea is very good for the intestines and the digestive systems.
Ginger tea is also a very good remedy for flu, cold, headaches and sore throat. It is also a good remedy for the migraines.
Ginger tea is a good remedy for preventing nausea and vomiting. Gingerols found in ginger is responsible for blocking the body’s reflex to vomit and also for preventing nausea by decreasing oxidative products made in the digestive tract that cause nausea to occur.
It is also a very good drink for healthy heart. It lowers the blood cholesterol levels and also reduces clotting and thinning of blood. This tea is also responsible for good blood circulation. It has a good effect on circulatory system and controls the levels of high blood pressure.
It is important for Women’s Health as well. Ginger tea is helpful to reduce the menstrual cramps. It is also helpful in relaxing the muscular spasms and in relieving the pain present during ovulation and during menstrual periods. Ginger tea can give relief from nausea in cases of pregnancy. It is a good drink for the pregnant women suffering from morning sickness.
Other Top Ten Health Benefits of Ginger Tea are:
It reduces heartburn
It controls chronic pains.
Anti-fungal properties in ginger tea treat athlete’s foot.
Good for reducing dizziness.
Prevents and treats inflammation.
A good remedy for asthma.
It combats infection.
It’s a good remedy for bad breath.
Ginger is a good anti-clotting herb.
A good stimulator of weak appetite.
Yes, Carlos have started calling me a "herbalist."
When people come to me and ask me to pray for them, I make it a point to remember them on my prayers. One day, a few years back, the list in my head got longer, I was afraid I won't remember everyone who've asked me to pray for them. So I decided to list them down. Some names I have already removed from my list because OUR prayer was answered. Some remains. As they say, PUSH, that is, Pray Until Something Happens. God is always listening.
This year, I decided to put them in a notebook together with the prayer.
Hear from heaven, even from Your dwelling place, the following people's prayers, and maintain their cause, and forgive those who have sinned against You.
[Name and/or requests here...]
Now, O God, let, I urge You, Your eyes be open, Your ears be attentive, to the prayer requests that were made. Please grant them according to Your will.
A few months ago, Raneth asked me if I could make the invitations for her daughter's first birthday party. I was willing to until my M&M invites did not arrive in the Philippines. Raneth is having the party in the Philippines.
I do not know what happened to my M&M invites. When I checked it online the status says it is somewhere in the Philippines-- a sorting facility or something. I think the customs have it. I do not like how the customs handle some packages.
I told Raneth about this. I told her I can only make her invites if someone is going home. There's no one. So she asked me for a concept and this is what I came up with.
A cupcake-inspired birthday party. I even asked my friend if she can make the cupcakes for her. I hope they could put it all together.
There are things that we do not need in life. Like getting stressed on some small stuff that doesn't really matter. Like strangers trying to cut the line while waiting for your bus ride on an extremely cold winter day like one day last week.
A lady standing behind me went ahead of me when the bus came. I repeat-- she was behind me! What good was it for her? The bus wasn't even too crowded!
There's a saying-- "Steal a dime or steal a million, there's nothing different. They are the same 'stealing'."
You cheat a dime, you cheat a million.
We always have a choice. Oftentimes we think a small dishonesty is nothing.
I am not going to react and stress myself on small stuffs that doesn't hurt or kill me. Go ahead. Someone is watching.
There will always be the brighter star or the brightest among our pals or classmates or co-workers. Some people will shine and be better than we'll do. But most often than not when one loses his/her luster, people would start questioning, even criticizing them. When a person chooses to do wrong stuff, people judge them, sometimes mock at them. Most of the time when we see someone doing something that we do not like in a workplace, we forget to see what is beyond the situation -- a window, an opening to let our light shine through. A chance to show the world that we are better. We could do better.
We always have two options in a given situation-- get affected by what is happening to another person's decision (to be bad at his/her work) or be inspired to better ourselves.
Life will never be fair. There will be those people around you, willing to prove that.
Shine! Always choose to shine above the rest even no one is watching. For at the end of the day whatever good you did will come back to you, giving you a good pat on the back and a satisfied heart. It is your only consolation. And it is a good one.
So instead of making yourself busy watching other people do a lousy job, why not make yourself busy with the good stuff?
My mom is good to U.S. on the 25th of January. I see my father smiling. Maybe it's one of their dreams together.
My relatives in the west are excited, too. I think they were looking for some present ideas. My aunt said they might send some clothes for the cold season. I know my mom will be shocked when she sets her feet here. It is wintertime.
As for me, I am not sure if I can join my brother in fetching her up from the airport. I am not sure if I'd be given an off from work in the middle of the week. In any case, there will always be the weekend.
I did not get a lot of presents but I got the best present for Christmas-- the Sacrament of Penance. It's been a while.
So when Carlos and I have found out that the church that we're going to regularly had set a date and it was the only day that Carlos and I were both free. So we did it. After my confession I approched a priest and talked about our intention to get the Sacrament of Marriage. Sadly, the priest couldn't give me a solid response. He suggested that we contact the Catholic Charities. It's frustrating, of course. But that doesn't matter now. As as my friend says, in His perfect time... But of course, we will not stop looking for that God-sent priest.
I feel like it's Christmas everytime Carlos and I hear the mass now. Join us in our journey...
A few months ago, my mom found out that she has gallstones that has to be removed thru surgery. She got a second opinion from a doctor who believes in alternative medicine-- in cleansing, in fasting-- and was given this method (which I found a copy from a healthblog):
Gallstones may not be everyone’s concern. But they should be because we all have them. Moreover, gallstones may lead to cancer.
“Cancer is never the first illness,” Chiu Nan points out. “Usually, there are a lot of other problems leading to cancer. In my research in China, I came across some materials which say that people with cancer usually have stones.
“We all have gallstones. It’s a matter of big or small, many or few. One of the symptoms of gallstones is a feeling of bloatedness after a heavy meal. You feel like you can’t digest the food. If it gets more serious, you feel pain in the liver area.”
So if you think you have gallstones, Chiu Nan offers the following method to remove them naturally.
The treatment is also good for those with a weak liver, because the liver and gallbladder are closely linked.Regimen:
For the first five days, take four glasses of apple juice every day. Or eat four or five apples, whichever you prefer.Apple juice softens the gallstones. During the five days, eat normally.
On the sixth day, take no dinner. At 6 PM, take a teaspoon of Epsom salt (magnesium sulphate) with a glass of warm water. At 8 PM, repeat the same. Magnesium sulphate opens the gallbladder ducts.
At 10 PM, take half cup olive oil (or sesame oil) with half cup fresh lemon juice. Mix it well and drink it. The oil lubricates the stones to ease their passage.
The next morning, you will find green stones in your stools.
“Usually they float,” Chiu Nan notes. “You might want to count them. I have had people who passes 40, 50 or up to 100 stones. Very many.”
“Even if you don’t have any symptoms of gallstones, you still might have some. It’s always good to give your gall bladder a clean-up now and then. You’ll find that your digestion is much better afterwards.
A month ago, J's gallbladder had to be removed. Health scare. We all love to eat!
Anyways, Carlos and I have decided to try the apple juice method and today is ou 5th day. Let's see how things work. We both think there's no harm in trying. The only downside that we could see is that we'd probably not drink apple juice for a few months. We're burping a lot of it!
Back in the Philippines, my friends and I would usually hang out and wait for the eve of my (or whoever is celebrating his/her birthday the next day). We'll just hang out at a coffee shop after dinner and wait for the clock to strike 12. I miss that.
This year, Kuya Rey and Ate Shirley drove from Staten Island to be with me a night before I turned 34. Carlos treated us to a Chinese buffet. I was okay even without celebrating my birthday but having these people around made me feel better-- great! They have blessed my life!
Have you ever experienced watching flock of birds eating together on the ground then suddenly they seem to have decided to fly all at the same time, hovering over your head, covering your view of the clear sky, making it suddenly dark? Really dark.
Central Park. On Thursday morning, I decided to take M out for a short walk. I bought a pretzel with cheddar cheese to eat with him while watching the street and sitting on one of the benches at the park. Then I noticed the birds acting weird. They'd go to the ground then they'd go up the trees-- all of the same time. Hundreds of them.
Then I felt it -- Goosebumps. For a few seconds I felt something that I haven't felt for a long time now. It made me say, "God, You are amazing!" It seemed to me that nature was talking, announcing, spreading the good news-- God is good. All the time.
F has this jogger that I think she got from baby jogger city, and which I bet M loves. The kid loves going outside. His dad bought a seat for his bike, too, which he said M loves. Ah! Lucky kid!
I'd personally suggest the jogger for parents who love to run. But the bike-seat, I need to re-evaluate. What's your say on it?
Lately, I have been making M walk a lot. He holds my hand all the time. We live the stroller behind and walk for 5 to 10 blocks (and back). Sometimes we get on a shuttle bus going to Columbus Circle then walk back home. Today we walked from 57th Street to 62nd with L and J. M entertained himself by looking at the cars and buses on the street. When he saw an auto lift, we stopped for a few minutes and I tried to tell him what it is. He's a smart kid. They are right about children's brain being like a sponge.
Thank God for Google. I can cook anything I want just by Googling (yes, you can even find the best residential rehab treatment facility if you're in need of one). The following recipe is a Turkish dish (salad) which C and I think, is good with daing na bangus. The preparation takes time (especially removing the parsley leaves from the stem and mincing it) but it's all worth it.
Ingredients:
1 cup water
1 cup fine cracked wheat
1 cup minced fresh parsley leaves
1/2 cup minced fresh mint leaves
1/2 cup finely chopped yellow onion
3 tomatoes, diced
2 cucumbers, seeded and diced
3 tablespoons olive oil
3 tablespoons lemon juice, or to taste
1 teaspoons sea salt
Directions:
In a large mixing bowl, pour the water over the cracked wheat and cover, let stand about 20 minutes until wheat is tender and water is absorbed. Add the chopped herbs and vegetables and toss with the mix. Combine the oil, lemon juice, and salt in a separate bowl. Add to wheat mixture and mix well. Chill.
Another prayer was answered last week and it happened on my 34th birthday (thank You, Lord). Goodbye rustic bedding, my application for a secured credit card was approved (I feel sorry for J, who applied for one at a different bank and was not approved). I decided to put in minimum amount and see if I can manage to save some more for it. Finally, I can start building a credit history. Again, Thank God.
I like surprises but I'd like to get what I want, too. Once, C gave me a silver necklace with a cute pendant of a turtle (which is a Chinese symbol). I loved it-- that moment when he gave me the box and I opened it, I almost cried. Even up to now I love remembering how I felt that time. Love and affection. So sweet. Every now and then he'd give me small surprises-- something that I want or most often than not, it is something that he knows I need (like heated clothing and snow tires for my shoes).
But we're talking about engagement rings and wedding bands now. Something that we're both going to see on our fingers everyday for the rest of our lives. Do I want to be surprised? Maybe on the proposal (if there is going to have one, but I doubt because we're talking about marriage now-- soon as we find a priest who'd allow us), but the ring? I thought I'd rather tell C what I want. He might give me solitaire. I don't want a solitaire. So when C brought up the subject on getting me an engagement ring and he said he'd like me to choose, I went ecstatic.. Excited! I love jewelries! And this is not just a simple jewelry. It's an engagement ring!
So I started doing my research and found this good site-- About.com (Top 10 Rules on Shopping for an Engagement Ring).
Determine Your Budget When a guy's shopping for an engagement ring, salespeople often do a sneaky thing – they make him think that the amount of his love is tied to how much he spends on a ring. Better to figure out how much you can afford to spend before you step foot in a store. The standard rule is two months salary – but – this is also a rule that the diamond industry created! However it's still a decent place to start, but then figure out your personal budget.
Pay Attention You're going to have to make a lot of choices – platinum or gold? Modern or traditional? Flashy or understated? It's easier if you've done your homework beforehand. Look at the jewelry your sweetheart wears on a daily basis – if it's all silver with intricate designs – look for a platinum engagement ring with intricate designs (often called filigree). If it's just a few heavy gold pieces, well, then go in that direction.
Choose a Stone While jewelers will sell you a preset ring, you can often get a better deal if you choose the diamond separately. It helps if you know what shape your sweetheart wants – round, pear, marquis, etc. The most classic shape is a round solitaire. More homework – read The Four Cs of Diamond Buying. You'll thank me later. Another money saving tip – look for a diamond with high color and cut, but with slightly lower clarity. Make sure you look at the stone with a jeweler's loupe (like a magnifying glass) – but most flaws (or "inclusions") can barely be seen even with a loupe.
Choose the Setting After you've got your stone, then comes the setting. You could go for simple with a solitaire setting, or you could add filigree, extra side stones, and other details. You can choose gold, white or rose gold, platinum, or even titanium.
Maximize Your Budget If your intended is always talking about huge diamond engagement rings, but two months of your salary wouldn't buy a Big Mac, you're going to have to stretch the budget. Ask for a stone with more surface area – it won't sparkle as much but it will look bigger. Ask for stones that are slightly less than the next carat (0.8 instead of 1 or 1.9 instead of 2) – the almost indiscernible difference can add up to big savings. Instead of a diamond solitaire engagement ring, consider a less expensive center gemstone (such as tourmaline, blue topaz, sapphire) flanked by two small diamonds. Choose white gold instead of platinum. And consider an antique engagement ring.
Get a Buddy Don't go into a jewelry store alone. They're scary places full of way too many choices. If you can, bring your sweetheart's best friend or mom along to help you choose. But if you're worried they'll spill the beans, bring a trusted buddy of yours. Make sure they have taste, or you'll be trying to propose with a ringpop. Also, assuming they like the person you're buying it for, this is a great moment to bond with your parents and get their advice.
Think About Bringing Your Sweetheart With You You'll lose the element of surprise, but you'll be sure that she likes her engagement ring. More and more couples are doing it this way.
Get a Quality Jeweler Ask for recommendations from friends and family. My advice is to stick to the mom and pop jewelers and try to avoid the national chains – they often sacrifice quality for mass marketing. But make sure the store is accredited by the Jewelers of America or is a member of the Gemological Institute of America (GIA). Before you buy, find out what the return policy is so that you can exchange it if you didn't do your homework properly.
Plan Ahead You may not be able to just walk out of a jewelry store with a ring. Not only will you need to save up for it, but depending on what you order it could take a couple weeks for them to set the stone, do any engraving, or even custom design your ring (like Brad Pitt did for Jennifer Aniston). So if you want to propose on a certain date, make sure you start working on the ring early.
Get it In Writing Would you buy a house without an inspection? No? Well then don't buy a diamond without an independent diamond-grading report from the GIA or the American Gem Society. It should include the 4 c's of color, cut, clarity and carat, as well as the shape and size. And, like your house, don't forget to get the ring insured.
I have one (selfish) wish for Thanksgiving day-- that I get to rest and sleep for at least 8 hours. I don't remember getting some Zs longer than 6 hours lately; and oftentimes I wake up in the middle of that snooze. It's frustrating. Good thing that my skin is cooperating, not adding stress (at least I don't find a need for an eb5 facial cream)-- yes, I get stressed when I see zits-- but I am sure that I don't get the rest that I needed soon, it'll show on my skin how stressed I am. So please, Dear Lord, grant my simple wish to have that Zs.
God, Marry Us-- When I say this line in my prayers, I would feel the tears building up in my eyes; my heart so heavy that it feels like it's about to burst. Like right now. God, marry us.
Me and my boyfriend are living-in one roof. We're Christians. We're Roman Catholics. With that being said, I am sure you get the point. If not, here's some more...
Some of us are religious; some, spiritual; some are maybe in between. We all believe in something.
C and I, we are not perfect but we strive to do things right (the things that we feel is right, that is). We are happy. We do good things together. Fun things. We feel that we're growing together as Christians. We read a Bible together, we pray together, and we go to church together. We're both working hard for our future-- hoping that that future is with God in our center. But how can we say that when we're bypassing one or two of the Sacraments? What we're doing is not enough to be worthy of God's love even when they say His love is unconditional (well, maybe that is just my own thinking).
Truth is, we're aware of our situation. Sad to say, right now we feel that we're helpless in this case.
Why?-- Because the government has given us limitations.
That hurts. The word "limitation" hurts. I feel hopeless, helpless. Frustrated. Why are we being stopped when what we want to do is to make things right? We want that Sacrament of Marriage. God knows we are aching to have that.
Some girls they dream of their weddings and huge and beautiful engagement rings since they were little. Maybe I had those dreams, too. But you know, my prayers have changed and it has changed me. I am not after the big weddings now and engagement rings (or any platinum or titanium partnership rings) are but secondary or may not exist at all. I cannot bring that to Heaven or I should say, that cannot bring me to Heaven. I don't even care if we throw a party or do the traditional wedding celebration. All I want is for the church to welcome our union and hug us. That is my piece of Heaven on earth.
We just want our union to be right in the eyes of God. We just want the church to bless us. We just want to go inside the church without this pain and longing in our hearts-- God have mercy on us. God, please marry us despite our shortcomings; God, please marry us.
There I said it.
I did my research online to check the requirements for church weddings and sadly we can't provide the church some of the requirements. That brought my world down.
One Sunday, a priest at St. Mary's Church mentioned something about couples living-in together and that he can do something about it. I am not sure what he meant by "he'll do something about it" but it almost felt like a miracle to us. We felt there's hope. Maybe he can give us the Sacrament. Will he marry us? Will he bless us?
Is the Sacrament of Marriage only for the chosen ones? Is it a privilege not everyone is entitled of? Don't we have the right to have that sacrament, too, wherever, whenever?
Every time we hear the mass, I am praying he'll be the presiding priest. He hits something in us every time he says the homily. Something that seems to be pushing us to try harder-- MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
Two Sundays ago, before the mass started, C and I were talking about going to confession. That day, during the homily, that same priest talked about going to confession regularly. Is he a mind-reader? He's my idol. And if there's one priest that I'd like to marry us, it is him. Because he talks about the truth and the reality of life in simple but straightforward words. Sometimes they cut like a sword. His words are (for me) encouraging-- MAKE THINGS RIGHT.
I grabbed my copy of the bulletin to see if he has an email address. At least I could explain our side better in writing, I thought. But there's none.
God, please do something. Please work on something. I need a miracle. Holy Spirit, please move me, push me to do something. Holy Spirit, I need You.
Again, I prayed.
I went home with a heavy heart that Sunday. There he was, standing by the door, saying goodbye to the people. I did nothing.
On Monday, I checked their website. God heard my prayer. There it was, an email address. So I sent him my plea. Now he wants to meet us.
In this new age, in this generation, some people would accept couples like us. We are grateful for that. But at the end of the day, we know what really matters is how one accepts her/himself.
I am restless.
Why wait for the next day or the next week or the next month or the next year to start living right? What if something happens today? What if we die today? How are we going to explain ourselves to God when He asks us why we kept doing what we're doing when we're aware of that "right thing" to do? But life has given us no choice.
Hmmm... how about flying to Las Vegas?
Kidding. Of course I am not talking about that kind of union. We're not getting married for the sake of getting married. If we're doing it, I could say, we are doing not just because we love each other but because we love God, dearly.
I am Mae German. 34 years old. Born in Mangatarem, province of Pangasinan. I was taught and trained by Juan Dela Cruz, and I am currently being trained for more by Uncle Sam. Writing since the age of 12. Blogging since 2001. I keep a notebook and a pen in my bag, on my bedside table, and inside the bathroom. Misses a lot. Sometimes even my own voice. Loves to laugh. Sometimes even at myself. I am a work in progress. My ultimate dream is to be a SAHM. That is, if I am bound to have that chance in this lifetime... and I am.
